This stuff matters because you’re trying to make money.

A site that’s clean, easy-to-use, and written like a postcard makes more money than a site that’s ugly, hard to navigate, and full of filler words that make you want to stick a fork in your face.

So, if your site looks like shit and sounds like shit, but you know fuckall about how to change that…

Here’s how to change that:

Step 1

We figure out what your best customer looks like and throw an axe at the target.

Step 2

We figure out why you’re valuable to your customers and fucking nail your value proposition. Then, we get to work putting a face on that value that your customers relate to.

Step 3

I take that figuring out we just did and write concise, bang-on content that hits the right tone and gets you the attention you deserve. We add humour where it fits and spice when the dish calls for it.

Step 4

I optimize the crap out of that copy so Google hands you a sweeter axe.

Step 5

I design your site like a Norwegian flat—your message looks fantastic in that spacious room, and your buttons look sweet-ass clickable!

Step 6

I add content to your site that your customers love/want/download/rave about. They give you their emails for that content, and you add those emails to your marketing efforts.


What the heck is UX? And why the heck does it matter?

UX stands for User eXperience. It matters because of Google. 

Google is the traffic controller of the internet—and Google isn’t an asshole about it. If your website makes your audience happy, Google gives you a sweet parking spot. It’s that simple.  Google knows if your audience is happy by how long they stay on your page (dwell) or how quickly they leave it (bounce).


01. Dwell 

Build a great site and users stick around to check it out. This decision happens at first glance (in under 3 seconds, apparently… if you drink the juice). If users dwell, they’ll read your stuff, scan your pictures, and click your buttons. Google rewards dwell time with a rank boost. That’s when more people see you—which is good for CTR and for business.

02. Bounce

Bounce is the opposite of dwell. Do a shitty job of UX and users will click away (bounce) from your boring, confusing, ugly website. Bounces are bad! Google logically creates a detour around your site, gives you a stink face, flips you the bird, and drops you off page one of search (okay, Google is a bit of an asshole sometimes).

Improve dwell time by creating a great User eXperience with great content.

What the heck is content? 

Content is what people see when they look at your site. 

Content promotes your brand using words, images, ebooks, valuable downloadables…whatever engages your audience. This stuff is important. When you engage your customers, you get a foot in the door. You become familiar. And familiarity is the jackpot. So don’t fuck this up, basically. 

Here’s how to not fuck this up, basically:

01. Old content 

Google doesn’t like stale shit. Google’s algorithm improves constantly, but one thing consistently rewarded is fresh content. Make that new content amazing so your customers stick around and read about your super things. Google smiles at you, your page rank goes up, more people see you, and you get more clicks [trumpets].

02. Clutter 

Don’t cram as much shit on your site as you can. You’re going for as little shit as possible. Pick a couple of great graphics, chunk your words into brilliant blocks, and wrap everything in emptyness. Brains blow up when too much information is crammed into too little space. Go for Scandinavian design—a key piece of furniture surrounded by a lot of floor space. Cut the crap out.

03. Bad User eXperience (UX)

There’s a lot of buzz out there about UX. But all you need to know is this: A site that’s minimal, easy-to-use, and written like a postcard is better than a site that’s ugly, hard to navigate, and full of fluffy words that make you want to stick a fork in your face. So pick two colours, two fonts, and one button style. Be choosy with your words, picky with your images, and generous with your loyalty-building giveaways. [Nutshelled] 

Create fresh content that solves your customers’ problems. Don’t create a regrettable stew of poetic language, tacky stock images, and packed-to-the-nuts content. 

What does Google like?

Google likes optimization.

Google is a search engine. Google likes pages that are search engine optimized (SEO). Here are some things that will boost your on-page SEO.

01. Nail your keywords 

The copy should read like a conversation but contain search words that users would enter into Google to find you. I’ll figure out your keywords without a lot of complicated bullshit and work them into your page. Then we monitor your analytics. Analytics keep you in the know so you can win your race. I’m bonafide certified to do this shit.

02. Boost your CTR

Write a short but catchy page title and meta description. Incorporate your keyword in the title. If your link stands out and wins clicks (that jump users from Google to your landing page), Google rewards you with a nice Click-Through-Rate (CTR) boost. Your page moves up and we dance (if we want to).

03. Share the love

Link to other sites with quality content. Show your audience that you know you’re shit, that you’re swimming in credibility, and that you want to hel  any way you can. Reach out to your industry buds and pull your community together like the authority you are. When your industry links back to you, that’s called a backlink. Google loves backlinks.


Quickstart content tips 

Go for gold, but start with these four staples:

01. Figure out your value proposition 

Also called a Unique Value Proposition (UVP), your value proposition is your opening shot. It’s your elevator pitch. It’s the value you offer. It’s how you solve problems better than your competition. It’s the most important message on your website—so get it right. Tell your audience why you are valuable to them using a few great words that sound like you. Make them excited to scroll down. Make Hemingway proud.

02. Visuals 

A picture is worth a thousand words. So use amazing, free Unsplash images and Piktochart infographics. When it comes to graphic assets, Creative Market is a vault of high-quality illustrations, icons, and background images that take your site from meh to amazeballs.

03. Ask for something 

Use clear, engaging buttons to encourage clicks (also called “Call To Action” buttons or CTAs). That action can be to contact you, jump to another page, sign up for a valuable course or ebook, or buy your thing. Keep it simple and guide your customers toward that click.

04. Actually create value

People like to share good experiences. Give them something good to share (content) on social media, because good word of mouth is a business booster. Give them a discount for repeat business and referrals. Keep in touch by email (subscriptions) offering valuable content (and content upgrades) after purchase—because we love our customers!

Calling all go-getters, entrepreneurs, bloggers, freelancers, one-employee shops, and solo experts!

It’s time to make something fresh and new. Stand out from the crowd, attract your idea customers, and give Google a good show. What say we grow your business?